The Meaning of Love: Part 1

Scripture says we should not be unequally yoked... 2 Corinthians 6:14 - Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

Scripture also says that if two people do not agree, they cannot walk together... Amos 3:3 - Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?

I mention these things, because it struck me this evening why marriages fail so often today. We seem to have gotten the idea, somewhat recently in the context of world history, that marriages should be based on feelings. We call it "love". But feelings are fickle things, and sway easily with the wind,... or hormones. It's nearly impossible to withstand the pressures of daily living, and the stresses of inevitable changes and traumas, with our feeling and emotion unchanged. People are so fallible, that even without those things we are liable to falter at some point and slip "out of love" or into something else.

Marriages, or any relationships really, which are based in feelings and emotions are bound to fail at some point. I know that is not a popular stance to be taking. Nearly everyone today, when speaking of love, (new love, romantic love, ageless and eternal love, heart-felt love) speaks of their feelings. And marriages, all agree, should be based on love. So how is it that I could be saying that marriage should not be based on those feelings? It's because I believe we have the meaning of "love" all wrong.

Look up the word "love" in the dictionary and you will find 6 or 7 variations on a theme. Love as a case of the warm fuzzies, or a lustful passion, or a marriage inducing attraction. However, feelings are inward, passive things. They only truly affect us. If love is just a feeling, as the dictionary says, then we cannot "love" anyone, we can only feel love for them. Why then would the Bible command us to love others as ourselves? Does God wants us to be affectionate with everyone? Many people are depressed and don't have warm fuzzy feelings for themselves. Are they only then required to like people a little bit?

Perhaps that's not what was meant at all. Perhaps love is mainly a verb, an action. We use it that way don't we? "I kiss you; I hug you; I love you." What are we doing when we "love" someone? This, I believe, is where most people fall apart. When people today think of love as a verb, their minds tend to fall into the gutter. The gutter may be clean swept, being kept in the context of the marriage bed, but it's still not what was intended when scripture used "love" as a verb. Take that meaning away, and people seem to flounder. How do we "love" our enemy? How do we love our neighbor as ourselves? I hear those questions all the time. They hear those verses, and they are at a loss as to what to do. They say, "I don't feel it", or, "I can't love them, God will have to love them for me". If we didn't insist on love being just a feeling, we wouldn't have these issues. If we took love to be an action, something we do, we wouldn't have these questions.

So, then, if love is an action, a verb, something we do; what is it? How do we love? Love is described eloquently in scripture,... 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

However, most people know those lines and still couldn't tell you what they were commanded to do. I couldn't either, not too long ago. But, I asked God about it, and He told me about love, a while back. Love can be boiled down to one single word. Love is sacrifice. If you love anything, or anyone, you will sacrifice something for it or them. How much you are willing sacrifice indicates the degree of your love. John 15:12-14 - This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. (For children, love is obedience, which is still sacrifice really, since they must give up what they wish to do, in order to obey. We, as God's children, love God (sacrifice to Him) by our obedience to Him.) God loved us so much, He sacrificed His only Son. Abraham loved God so much that he was willing to sacrifice Isaac.

So, to love our enemies (or anyone else), is to think of them first, instead of how we feel, or what we want. This negates any possibility of revenge or spite, or any number of other sins we might be prone to.

So what does this mean for marriages? To some it will be obvious, for others, I'll save that for part 2.